The False Prophet – FAQ

Do you wear sandals?

Yes, as should all false prophets and propheteers. It is written that The False Prophet and the propheteers should either go barefoot or wearing sandals, except in winter, when ice and snow cover the lands, be they holy or unholy, or when temperatures or terrains are deemed unfit to healthily trot around as such, then and only then are The False Prophet and the propheteers allowed to wear something other than sandals. However, thou shall never wear socks when wearing sandals to keep you from getting cold feet as that is thought of as being rather unfashionable and silly.

What is the difference between The False Prophet and the propheteers?

Noun ˌprɒf.ɪˈtɪər/

A person who takes advantage of the situation to make other people suffer from a religious breakdown which will hopefully lead to stronger beliefs often by selling lies and asking difficult and sometimes unanswerable questions.

The False Prophet

noun /ˈprɒf.ɪt/

For accurate descriptions see Deuteronomy 18:20-22; Matthew; 7:15-23; Revelation 13:11-15; 16:13; 19:2-; 20:10

There can be only one true false prophet, but great many propheteers. A propheteer follows The False Prophet to the end of the world, to Hell and back doubting every word he (or she) says and working for him or her (we believe in gender equality, therefore prophets can be either male or female). Mind you, The False Prophet is not worshipped and no sacrifices need to be made in honour of him thou shall not burn animals of any kind or sacrifice young children, brethren or any living being for that matter, which is neat, isn’t it? The False Prophet only shows the roads one can follow to not willingly become one with the universe or a deity (still, one might encounter one or two along the way just by accident) or enter a holy after life where everything will be honky dory with beer fountains and strippers and what have you. The False Prophet questions everything and anything and puts reasonable doubt in the mind of his (or her) followers. The False Prophets and propheteers alike do propheteering work. When The False Prophet falls a new one will arise for that is how it is written. It does not necessarily have to be a propheteer, but it would be quite understandable and logical if it were.

How did you become The False Prophet?

With every new era comes a new False Prophet. The False Prophet has always been around and his presence was already mentioned in Matthew. Like all true false prophets before me, I was given the word in dreams and visions. I did not choose the life of The False Prophet, rather, it chose me. My dreams and visions told me that the time had come for me to arise. I am The one true False Prophet and one shall doubt my every word, for so it is written. And by my fruit stand shall thou recognize me.

What about all the true prophets I keep hearing about?

They are, as they say, true prophets and have nothing to do with The False Prophet and his false prophecies. One should only listen to the true prophets when one wants to become one with their imaginary friends, their beliefs and succumb to their ideas and rules that were probably set forth by the ones who preceded them. ‘What are they but humble prophets prophesising their own imaginary friend,’ as a propheteer once rightly put it,’ but The False Prophet has no room for imaginary friends, therefore he is what he is and shall not be what he isn’t: a true prophet.’ The False Prophet holds no grudge against those who do promote their own imaginary friend nor does he look down upon them. He treats them as prophets and followers in their own rights. All men and women are equal even though they are not equally gifted. Even though The False Prophet does not share their beliefs, he still values the people and their views and understands that there’s an earthly need for true prophets just there is a need for The False Prophet.

I have heard of other false prophets. What about them?

Yes, I have heard about them too. You should go check them out for they are quite hilarious. Some only use the title ‘false prophet’ to make some sort of political or religious statement and some use the name but do not really believe to be one. I do not fear them, for I know there can be only one and it is I who am.

Check ’em out:


6 thoughts on “The False Prophet – FAQ

  1. Pingback: Guest Post – The Lost Psalms | Amusing Nonsense

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