Hold on to your hats, boys and girls.
There’s an immortal out there who should be granted eternal life; for barely had she touched upon The False Prophet and scarcely had she read his work when she nominated him for the liebster award. Such an act of kindness deserves respect and a hell of a lot more. I can’t thank her enough, you can read more about her here and you can read more about the award right here. If you visit her blog, make sure to thank her for me in one of your comments for The False Prophet is very pleased to be nominated for an award.
The rules to this very award may seem simple to ye, the unbeknownst reader, but in fact the complexity behind the rules is beyond anybody’s grasp. If you choose to ignore said complexity – which we are going to do – they are rather easy. I shall write down the watered-down version of the questions in a very understandable and down to earth manner (actually, it’s just copy/paste) so as not to upset your brains.
- Thank and link your nominator (done that, see above).
- Answer said nominator’s ten questions (see below).
- Nominate ten potential victims of your choosing (see nr 2).
- Create 10 new questions (see nr 3).
- Notify your unsuspecting prey of their nomination via social media or their blog (will do).
If you thought that the questions above were hard, wait till you see the questions posed by my nominator. But first, let’s show you a picture of the award:
The 10 questions and answers are as follows:
1. When did you know you wanted to write (for fun or otherwise) a blog?
That is a good question. As soon as my mission as The False Prophet became clear I knew I had to find a way to convey my message to a large audience and Blogging seemed to me to be a good way. My dreams and visions had been bugging me for quite some time and I didn’t know what they meant until my last birthday. That’s when the visions became clearer and clearer. Somewhere at the beginning of this year I knew I was he who is and that I had to do that what has to be done by him who is and so here I am. Pleased to meet you, I am The False Prophet.
2. Sweet tea or unsweetened tea?
Two lumps, please.
3. What’s the first thing you look for when you go to a Goodwill store?
We don’t have Goodwill stores where I am from, but I reckon I’d go for the traditional true False Prophet attire.
4. What is one thing you can do now that you could not do at the beginning of the New Year?
There is a long list of things I can do now that I couldn’t at the beginning of this year. But the most important thing is that, thanks to some pills I got to keep my from being all over the shop, I can now go about life without looking like a complete retard on drugs. Which is weird because before the pills I wasn’t on any drugs and now that I am it looks like I am not.
5. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
The False Prophet never ties his shoes! The official shoe is the sandal. If The False Prophet has to wear shoes due to the weather or road conditions, he will make sure he wears them as if they were sandals. Which means: do not tie the laces.
6. Who was your favorite teacher (or professor) and why?
My maths teacher. He knew how to entertain kids with a couple of silly numbers and great stories. He looked like an indian with long gray hair and a bit of a scruffy face. Most often he’d be smoking pot with his son during the weekend and tell us about that on Mondays. You can’t imagine my luck when he became my colleague later on in life. He’s retired now, but hasn’t changed a single bit.
7. If you could re-title a Britney Spears song, which one would it be/what would you re-title it?
I have only just found out she has a greatest hits album. I thought she only had the one called ‘Baby, one more time’. Which I would re-title into ‘Please, stop hitting me’, because you don’t hit girls.
8. A mouse is in your house, what do you do?
I don’t do anything. My cat on the other hand.
9. What’s your favourite gemstone
An amethyst. Love the colour and the shape. They remind a little of kryptonite.
10. Where in the world in Carmen San Diego?
Must somewhere over there, because it isn’t over here.
Now I have to come up with ten questions of my own that have to be answered by the people I nominate. I am going to refrain from asking all sorts of existential questions and just keep it down to earth like I have done throughout this blog. I can’t tell you how difficult that was for me.
1. Would you rather relive the 80s or the 90s?
2. How does a duck know which direction south is?
3. If you had to choose between being a smurf or a snork, which one would you choose and why?
4. It’s late at night, you’re craving chocolate, but there’s no chocolate to be found in your entire house … what do you do?
5. How many fingers am I holding up … right now!? (hint: between two and four)
6. If Jesus were to come back to raise the dead, which artist would you rather see raised from the dead Michael Jackson or Jim Morrison and why?
7. Which artist would you rather have Jesus not raise from the dead and why.
8. After Jesus has raised the dead and thus started the zombie apocalypse, how do you think you’ll survive?
9. After having been bitten by one of Jesus’s zombies, would you kill yourself or just let yourself become one of them and why?
10. Imagine that, on the off-chance, you survive the zombie apocalypse and it’s up to you to repopulate the earth, but the only two people who are left besides you are Britney Spears and Kanye West … what would you do?
My nominees are:
Thank you for sticking with me for such a long post. Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Have a prophet-able day – The False Prophet