Not An Atheist Nor A Theist

Some of you
Seem to think
The false Prophet
Is an atheist

Unfortunately for you
You are wrong

The False Prophet
Looked into atheism
And found that
They have rules

Unfortunately for them
They are wrong

The False Prophet

Is neither atheist
Nor a theist
He simply is

Unfortunately for some
He is wrong

The False Prophet
Is nothing more
Nothing less than
The False Prophet

Unfortunately for him
He is wrong


The Quiet Ones (poem)

I really liked this poem. As a teacher I often see these kinds of kids in class and I am glad they are now honoured with such a wonderful poem and if the author doesn’t mind, I am going to give his work a nice place in my classroom. Have a prophet-able day – The False Prophet

No Need For TV

20150322_173113You believe in a God
Who lets people on earth
Kill each other in His name

And your God is watching
And your God is judging
And your God is enjoying

God has no need for a TV
For God watches us
As we kill each other
In his name

Get Lost!

The False Prophet cannot get lost20150322_173113
Though he has a mission, it’s not his destination

The False Prophet cannot get lost
For where he goes there goes his path

The False Prophet cannot get lost
For he has no destination just his path

The False Prophet cannot get lost
But he is not leading the way

The False Prophet cannot get lost
Neither can you, unless you follow him

The High Wire Chronicles

sunday-paper‘My, oh my, what have we here?’
Said one crow to another

‘ Sorry, dear, I did not hear.
And why do I even bother?’

‘It seems we have a visitor,’
The crow said in dismay.

‘You’ll have to speak up a little, dear.
Though, I’m not listening anyway.’

‘I said,” We’ve got a guest up here,”
Top hat, brolly, gloves and all.’

‘I must be deaf and going blind
Your story sounds rather tall.’

‘It’s true, I tell you, here he is
Reading the Sunday times.’

‘I’m getting sick of all your lies
And these horrific rhymes.’

Lost Psalm #152

Wrong Interpretation Prayer

1          Dear Lord who art in heaven

Whose grace we are not worthy of

Whose words have touched so many

Yet so few have understood

2          Lord, O heavenly Father

Thou art with us

Thou art amongst us

3          So many have been lost

Along the road to peace

4          So many have been lost

Along the road to heaven

5          So many have been wrong

Along the road to right

6          God almighty, our Father, our Lord

Show them

Lead them

7          They know not what they are saying;

They have been wrong

So many times

They need guidance

Your guidance

8          Dear Lord, whose powers are beyond our comprehension,

Give them the eyes to see

Put words of wisdom in their mouths

So that they shall speak thy words

The way they were meant to be

9          We pray unto thee, O Lord

So that we may receive your blessings

Through the mouths of those who were once wrong

But are now so right

That Liebster Thing

Hold on to your hats, boys and girls.
There’s an immortal out there who should be granted eternal life; for barely had she touched upon The False Prophet and scarcely had she read his work when she nominated him for the liebster award. Such an act of kindness deserves respect and a hell of a lot more. I can’t thank her enough, you can read more about her here and you can read more about the award right here. If you visit her blog, make sure to thank her for me in one of your comments for The False Prophet is very pleased to be nominated for an award.

The rules to this very award may seem simple to ye, the unbeknownst reader, but in fact the complexity behind the rules is beyond anybody’s grasp. If you choose to ignore said complexity – which we are going to do – they are rather easy. I shall write down the watered-down version of the questions in a very understandable and down to earth manner (actually, it’s just copy/paste) so as not to upset your brains.

  1. Thank and link your nominator (done that, see above).
  2. Answer said nominator’s ten questions (see below).
  3. Nominate ten potential victims of your choosing (see nr 2).
  4. Create 10 new questions (see nr 3).
  5. Notify your unsuspecting prey of their nomination via social media or their blog (will do).

If you thought that the questions above were hard, wait till you see the questions posed by my nominator. But first, let’s show you a picture of the award:


The 10 questions and answers are as follows:

1. When did you know you wanted to write (for fun or otherwise) a blog?
That is a good question. As soon as my mission as The False Prophet became clear I knew I had to find a way to convey my message to a large audience and Blogging seemed to me to be a good way. My dreams and visions had been bugging me for quite some time and I didn’t know what they meant until my last birthday. That’s when the visions became clearer and clearer. Somewhere at the beginning of this year I knew I was he who is and that I had to do that what has to be done by him who is and so here I am. Pleased to meet you, I am The False Prophet.

2. Sweet tea or unsweetened tea?
Two lumps, please.

3. What’s the first thing you look for when you go to a Goodwill store?
We don’t have Goodwill stores where I am from, but I reckon I’d go for the traditional true False Prophet attire.

4. What is one thing you can do now that you could not do at the beginning of the New Year?
There is a long list of things I can do now that I couldn’t at the beginning of this year. But the most important thing is that, thanks to some pills I got to keep my from being all over the shop, I can now go about life without looking like a complete retard on drugs. Which is weird because before the pills I wasn’t on any drugs and now that I am it looks like I am not.

5. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
The False Prophet never ties his shoes! The official shoe is the sandal. If The False Prophet has to wear shoes due to the weather or road conditions, he will make sure he wears them as if they were sandals. Which means: do not tie the laces.

6. Who was your favorite teacher (or professor) and why?
My maths teacher. He knew how to entertain kids with a couple of silly numbers and great stories. He looked like an indian with long gray hair and a bit of a scruffy face. Most often he’d be smoking pot with his son during the weekend and tell us about that on Mondays. You can’t imagine my luck when he became my colleague later on in life. He’s retired now, but hasn’t changed a single bit.

7. If you could re-title a Britney Spears song, which one would it be/what would you re-title it?
I have only just found out she has a greatest hits album. I thought she only had the one called ‘Baby, one more time’. Which I would re-title into ‘Please, stop hitting me’, because you don’t hit girls.

8. A mouse is in your house, what do you do?
I don’t do anything. My cat on the other hand.

9. What’s your favourite gemstone
An amethyst. Love the colour and the shape. They remind a little of kryptonite.

10. Where in the world in Carmen San Diego?
Must somewhere over there, because it isn’t over here.

Now I have to come up with ten questions of my own that have to be answered by the people I nominate. I am going to refrain from asking all sorts of existential questions and just keep it down to earth like I have done throughout this blog. I can’t tell you how difficult that was for me.

1. Would you rather relive the 80s or the 90s?
2. How does a duck know which direction south is?
3. If you had to choose between being a smurf or a snork, which one would you choose and why?
4. It’s late at night, you’re craving chocolate, but there’s no chocolate to be found in your entire house … what do you do?
5. How many fingers am I holding up … right now!? (hint: between two and four)
6. If Jesus were to come back to raise the dead, which artist would you rather see raised from the dead Michael Jackson or Jim Morrison and why?
7. Which artist would you rather have Jesus not raise from the dead and why.
8. After Jesus has raised the dead and thus started the zombie apocalypse, how do you think you’ll survive?
9. After having been bitten by one of Jesus’s zombies, would you kill yourself or just let yourself become one of them and why?
10. Imagine that, on the off-chance, you survive the zombie apocalypse and it’s up to you to repopulate the earth, but the only two people who are left besides you are Britney Spears and Kanye West … what would you do?

My nominees are:

Thank you for sticking with me for such a long post. Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Have a prophet-able day – The False Prophet

The Third Of The Lost Psalms

Psalm 153 – Prayer Of Progress

1          Dear Father, our Father

Whose wisdom exceeds our every imagination

2          The day shall come, O Lord, our Father

The day thou art replaced by progress

The future will catch up on thee

3          On that day, dear Father, our Lord

We will need you most

But we will be too busy to see

4          The day cometh, O Lord

That thou will be nothing more than words in a book

The book will no longer be in our hands;

It will be lying to waste

5          On that day, O heavenly Father

The world will need you more than ever

Pray, forgive us for all the sins that have yet to come

6          Let us pray for forgiveness

For all the crimes we have yet to commit

7          The day cometh and you, O Lord, knows

You see in your mind’s eye

Inventions that will make us think,

‘We are our own Gods

And have no need for a heavenly Father’

8          That day cometh

That day we will need you most of all

9          Forgive us for forgetting about you

10        Oh Lord, will you forgive us for the offenses not yet committed

Can you forgive us in advance